One Degree South

Nairobi, Kenya

We are officially one degree south of the equator here in Nairobi, Kenya and getting here was half the fun. . . or. . .um. . .something.

We had the worst driver ever in the worst traffic ever in Nairobi this morning. Or maybe he was the best driver ever because he got us to our hotel without lose of life or limb in the some of the world’s worst traffic. But, I’m going with my gut here in thinking that was just luck.

Before we left we booked a minibus for 4 people with 6 bags. The guy who was driving us had a mini bus but he wouldn’t put the back seats down (probably because they didn’t work) so we had to cram into one middle row. He didn’t turn on the air conditioning (probably because it didnt work). He was super close to running out of gas on the insanely busy highway. So close, in fact, that he had to keep turning the car off while we waited in stand-still traffic every few yards.

His mini-bus was a Japanese model from probably the late 90s. All the screens and the frequent voice alerts (probably about gas) were in Japanese - and while I cannot be sure, I feel pretty confident he did not speak Japanese. It would have been comical if it wasn’t so stressful!

The hotel was 11 miles from the airport and it took us an hour in non-rush-hour traffic to get there. None of us had ever been in such chaotic driving conditions. Even Bangkok wasn’t this bad and that is really saying something.

There was literally no rhyme or reason to any of the driving that a non-local could pick up on. Cars would force themselves into lanes without notice. Vehicles and busses full of people would sit on the side of the highway for a while then inexplicably push back into traffic. People would get out of their cars. For a while, we drove right down the middle of two lanes - no big deal. Strangely enough, hardly anyone honked. There was clearly some unspoken system in place that everyone else understood because we made it alive but, holy cow, it was so stressful.

Once we finally arrived, we discovered our hotel has 3 levels of security - which is both comforting and concerning. There is a gated security post when you enter the complex where our hotel, a mall and another couple of buildings are located.

Officers searched under the car with mirrors (we experienced this in Indonesia, so we weren’t surprised). But then they opened all our doors and looked at all of us and looked at our luggage in the back. When they let us through we moved on to the second level of security in the form of the hotel’s own security guards at another gate. Then the hotel had metal detectors we had to walk through and xray machines (like at the airport) that all of our bags had to go through before we could bring them inside.

After all the intensity of getting here, we needed some relaxation! Ryan and I couldn’t convince the guys to join us at the hotel spa (supposedly one of the best in Africa), so we went by ourselves.

There was a “BFF package“ that let us do our treatments together but the “Couples package” was basically the same thing and literally half the price - and it include champagne!

Unfortunately, being gay or lesbian is still offfically a crime in Kenya - though I’m not sure how much that is enforced in Nairobi. But we did feel the need to explain ourselves and ask if it was ok for us to book the couples massage as friends. As I figured, the spa staff had no problem.

But it was eye opening to remember that people (many of them our friends) have think about things like this when choosing travel destinations and to recognize our own privilege as women in visibly hetero relationships. Today that meant our safety was not put at risk in this situation where other people’s might have been.

We thoroughly enjoyed our afternoon at the spa. First, we did the Rasul Chamber - a steamroom that heated up this green mud covering our bodies followed by a eucalyptus rain shower to rinse off the mud.

Then we had 90 minute massages with fragrant, warm oil followed by jacuzzi tub access to wash it all off. We were served tea and champagne and cucumber waters throughout the visit and had a private massage room with a gorgeous view of the gardens outside.

It was amazing! In fact, I was so relaxed I hardly felt like doing anything for the rest of the night. But, Josh and I did have a delicious dinner at the hotel restaurant. After dinner the staff had a little fun at our expense by pushing this “Chili Pomegranate Martini” they had on the menu.

We ordered one to share and thank goodness we only ordered one! We both are big fans of spicy foods but this was insane! My whole mouth was numb after one sip. Josh fared a little better but we couldn’t finish the whole drink.

Our waitress asked if we liked it with big smile and suggested we order it “mild” next time. Would have been nice to have the suggestion before ordering this time - but something tells me this isn’t the first time they’ve got a laugh out of this trick!